Blog from the past... Art: Day 1

Hey Guys,

To make up for the fact that things round here may be a bit quiet for a few weeks, I've decided to bring the first "blog from the past", and to kick off the "blogs from the past" I start with the Art: Day 1.

For those of you who have read it, you know it's worth reading, for those who haven't, then this is a record of what went on during the first day of my two-day art GCSE final test, because of it's size I have named it the Baby Goliath, why the baby you may ask? Because Day 2 is even bigger. But please, I ask you to forget about the size, it is absolutly hilarious even if I do say so myself.

(origonally posted April 21st 2008)


well i dont know why but i just feel i need to write this, i guess todays spout of OCD isnt finished yet.
so, art has finished for today, got tomorrow left to do, and a bit fucked, not got any ideas of what to do.
but anyway, lets leave that till tomorrow and get back to today, it started pretty good, got the four of us (me, jake, gibbon, and ste) in the back corner so noone can see us (kinky, no?), but yeah, thats fun in itself. then, as we were gettin ready, i made a fool of myself (sorta), everyone had got out wire or huge paint sets or canvases in varying sizes, and then youve got me, standin there with a piece of paper and a tiny fag tin of pastels!!

into the test we went, first thing i noticed was how many bells we had in the morning, four?!? fuckin hell, it was like a bloody fire station during the fire of london, the bells were one loud noise, and they were swiftly followed by another from our very own gibbon's arse. also we found out that i cant talk properly, ste spends most of his art time looking for shit to draw with, gibbon responds to girls names (dorothy, betty, shelia, gloria etc.) and also i hurt my back. bent over for almost two hours straight drawing lines and lines and lines.

break came and i, well, ask anyone, i spent most of it making pleasure moans and lying on chairs and complainin about my back. bout five minutes left and collette comes and shows me a baby toy (i want it and ill get it, just wait till tomorrow).

break over, back in the corner and noone has really done much, ste has got some fake money, jake's cut up a magazine, gibbon's been drawing and intricate scaffolding using a calculator, and then theres me with my lines, but we plug on for another two hours. ste actually makes visual contact in third period and he gets on pretty quietly but dissappears again after about half an hour, jake starts throwing paper balls at gibbon, always fun, so i join in but then im back to more lines and more bending, but the bending was made better by a quick ruler spank from jake.
lines done (for a bit) and i get on to pasteling, i draw a footie player touching himself and a pretty good keeper, and that's when the OCD started to show itsself, i start gettin pieces of tracing paper and maskin taping them to the table and then covering the bits i just pastelled, very odd. but guess what, i couldnt keep away and pastels took the form of lines again (snore) but that's what i get for doing a giant newspaper.

just before dinner we get a board pen, courtesy of ste who has just come back, and sign the board behind jake, in the order of ste, jake, gibbon, and then me (i underlined my name), bout ten minutes later jake tries to write " was here doin art GCSE 2008" but a long pause after the "S" prompted ste to say in a hushed voice: "E", followed by muffled laughter and fleeting glances by the people closest. next jake throws the pen at me and i take the initiative to cock about and carelessly throw it over my shoulder, this caused a very large noise and laughter from our corner that sounded like something was coming out of someones nose!
following this example, jake (about 5 minutes later) throws a glue stick at gibbon which skims past his afro and clatters to the floor and ends at phil's feet (he was 10 feet away), who then also throws it at gibbon (BULLSEYE!!).

four hours done and its lunch, but of course ive forgotten my money, dinner pretty uneventful till we got to music (me and george, gibbon not far behind and jake soon after that). me and the gib-ster left at the point where nick stabbed one of the drum skins with a compass. go to the quad time!!! (quads are like playgrounds but for secondary school kids) we were little late but didnt matter, saw the girls for the first time in what seemed like ages. and as quick as the guy fell over and through the fence, we were back in art.

that collette appeared again buggin me! says im a huge flirt? like shit i am!!! ha, noones believin that are they?

well one hour to go and it was uneventful, jake had done for the day after ten minutes, me not long after gave up cos there wasnt enough time to do what i wanted so it was back to throwing things around and putting boxes on my head. time up and that provoked chair scrapes and loud swearing matches, mostly from me.
left the place in a huge mess but who gives a shit? not me?
so yeah, thats it for today, day two tomorrow, should be good.
before i leave you, today's highlights:

gibbon's gas
my OCD revelation
jake's fucked up spelling
ste's ability to do loads without being here
girls names
the fact my work ended up being covered in about 13 pieces of tracing paper and 30 strips of tape
loud noises
jake and gibbon's "who's a cock" argument


and most used words/phrases:
fuckotcha
fuckity fuck fuck
oh shit bags
fuuuck
billock-bollocks
tape?
ive got bloody OCD